Since my last real post, major events have shaken me and I just needed some time to sort through my life, my thoughts, my anxieties. And to think about my options and whatever future I may have here in Korea.
What started out as a rumor, as an uncomfortable piece of gossip spread around by the mouths of native english teachers (hereafter NETs), turned out to be true: the gov't is pulling all high school NETs at the end of their contract term.
I am a high school NET. My contract ends in february. I will not be allowed to teach at my school next year. Neither will I be replaced by another NET.
It was, and remains, such a blow. Like I was sucker punched in the gut.
And that is funny because all this year I had merely toyed with the idea of staying another year in Korea--stupidly thinking that if I didn't really commit to anything, then I wouldn't be disappointed.
How naive.
I've been weighing my options and trying to stay positive, but there's just so much up in the air right now and I honestly don't know where I'll end up in just a few months time. It's worrisome and stressful.
If I decide to renew my contract with the gov't, I will be transferred to either middle school or elementary school (no). Another option is to ditch the public school system and the gov't program, and find work in the private sector through an academy (no). My best option, and the one I hope comes true, is that I find a position at a university.
The question becomes, then, if I don't get a job at a university, will I stay in Korea or go back home? And if I return home, what job awaits me there? I, after all, need to keep working to pay my school loans off. This is not the time for me to dally.
As stressful as that alone is, some of the teachers have actually gone as far as to tell students that I'm leaving. I'm really upset by this because I feel like that information should have come from me personally. I would have liked the opportunity to tell my students that information at the time I saw fit, in the manner I saw fit. As it stands, I've tried to make the students who know promise not to tell anymore students--pinky swears are all but binding here in Korea.
But more that just that, when an occasional student does come up to me to bring up my impending departure, it's just really hard for me to talk about. I don't want to go. I really like my school, and my kids are amazing, and it's just so unfair that I'm being forced to give them up. I know that I was really blessed with my situation this year, and I know that I took it for granted.
And, since I am a sentimental person at heart, the littlest things will make me emotional. My students will do something so mundane, so potentially annoying, but in that moment it will strike me as something fleetingly beautiful. A moment, a memory of something that I will have so few opportunities to see again.
Sitting here in my apartment, looking at all of the stuff--the sheer amount of stuff--that I've accumulated in the last few months, and the home that I've made for myself in my little apartment...and I know that sooner rather than later, I'll have to pack it all up. For good or temporarily, I don't know yet. I don't want to buy anymore clothing or things for my apartment, because all I can think about is the potential hassle it will be to deal with in the near future.
I mean, I even have a giant bag of rice I have to somehow manage to eat by myself in something like 12 weeks...when I thought I'd have more than that.
And even riding the subway, I live off of line 5 (the purple line) and I know my route/stops so well. If I move somewhere else, I'll have to find all new routes and get accustomed to a whole new commute.
It's the little things, and big things, and everything else, that just makes this whole situation suck. Majorly.
So for now, I'm applying to jobs here, and I need to get the ball moving on jobs back at home--just in case--and hoping for the best.
Showing posts with label I'm in Korea bitch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I'm in Korea bitch. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Heart, Mind, & Seoul: Finding My Way Back to Teaching
I've been crazy busy this past week, I don't even know I've survived. It all started last friday, when I had an all-day training seminar that sort of lit a fire under my ass. Lately, I had been feeling all sorts of comfortable when it came to teaching at my school. Some things suck, but some things were good, I coped and I got through it. I wasn't having the best classes, but I was also doing the best with what I had. I was dealing.
But the seminar reminded me that despite what seems like insurmountable obstacles in my way, as a teacher, I owe it to my kids to try and reach them. When I first got to Korea, I was hell bent on being able to effectively teach these kids english. I was full of so many ideas, was constantly trying out new things in the classroom, constantly creating. And then either out of ineffectiveness, hopelessness, or burn out, I stopped trying so hard.
On the one hand, it was good for me personally, because I enabled me to have more cognitive energy to do other things (e.g. learn korean, be a homewrecker), but my classes were uninspired and tedious.
So with a refreshed perspective, I started up this week with a ton of energy that I put into my lesson plans and classes. And I think it was one of my best weeks teaching ever. I felt really happy with the results, and I'm hoping this is a new start for both me and my students.
I am, however, so exhausted I can't see straight. Twice this week I got into the office at 6:45 am. By wednesday, I came home and just crashed at 8pm, I was so tired. I had dishes piled up in my sink, wet clothing that needed to be dried, and a whole bunch of trash that needed to be taken out. I also have no food at all in my apartment, but I am feeling good about how exhausted I am.
I will leave you with this: I had my students write a short essay on whether they preferred to only do what they are good at, or doing new things. I bawled like a baby reading their responses, this one in particular:
I feel so grateful to know these amazing kids, and so humbled to be a part of their lives. They are so fascinating and endlessly interesting, and so full of youth and the hope of their future lives. It's beyond wonderful to witness.
But the seminar reminded me that despite what seems like insurmountable obstacles in my way, as a teacher, I owe it to my kids to try and reach them. When I first got to Korea, I was hell bent on being able to effectively teach these kids english. I was full of so many ideas, was constantly trying out new things in the classroom, constantly creating. And then either out of ineffectiveness, hopelessness, or burn out, I stopped trying so hard.
On the one hand, it was good for me personally, because I enabled me to have more cognitive energy to do other things (e.g. learn korean, be a homewrecker), but my classes were uninspired and tedious.
So with a refreshed perspective, I started up this week with a ton of energy that I put into my lesson plans and classes. And I think it was one of my best weeks teaching ever. I felt really happy with the results, and I'm hoping this is a new start for both me and my students.
I am, however, so exhausted I can't see straight. Twice this week I got into the office at 6:45 am. By wednesday, I came home and just crashed at 8pm, I was so tired. I had dishes piled up in my sink, wet clothing that needed to be dried, and a whole bunch of trash that needed to be taken out. I also have no food at all in my apartment, but I am feeling good about how exhausted I am.
I will leave you with this: I had my students write a short essay on whether they preferred to only do what they are good at, or doing new things. I bawled like a baby reading their responses, this one in particular:
I feel so grateful to know these amazing kids, and so humbled to be a part of their lives. They are so fascinating and endlessly interesting, and so full of youth and the hope of their future lives. It's beyond wonderful to witness.
Monday, October 10, 2011
My Korean Apartment II
I pretty much did nothing but sleep today. It's late now and I just cleaned and I'm bored but super awake. So here's how my apartment is looking these days. A bit more clutter than my first post about my apartment, but not by much I think.
I tried to have a green/blue theme in my apartment, but it doesn't always work out that way. My 15 pyeong little home. I was thinking of doing more, but with 5 months left in my contract, I'm not sure if I should.
p.s. "moves like jagger" is my jam atm :)
I tried to have a green/blue theme in my apartment, but it doesn't always work out that way. My 15 pyeong little home. I was thinking of doing more, but with 5 months left in my contract, I'm not sure if I should.p.s. "moves like jagger" is my jam atm :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Cuppa Joe
I have mentioned previously that Seoul has a huge coffee shop culture. There are coffeeshops everywhere, and more independent ones than huge chains. In Seoul, you can't go far without stumbling into one of these gems. In my neighborhood alone (not even a nice neighborhood mind you) 4 coffeeshops opened up in roughly 6 months. All on the same main drag, and I'm not even counting the shops that were there before I moved in.
That being said, the coffee shop culture is different than that of the States.
For instance, many people prefer to drink their coffees and espressos in house. When you go to a coffee shop, you will usually stay there and meet with friends/study. In America, since many of us drive cars, it's really convenient to just get our coffees to go, or go through the drive-thrus, and show up to work with a piping hot cup or something latted.
Going along with that, it's actually not that common (at least around my area) to have a coffee shop open in the early morning. This was probably the most surprising thing to me, as a former barista, because I remember having to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to make my 5:15 starting time. This actually didn't occur to me until one morning when I really wanted some espresso, only to find that none of the coffee shops in my area (including the 4 that had opened up since I moved into the block) were open. Most coffee shops open around 9 or 10am (8am if you are lucky). So actually, rolling into work with a fresh espresso isn't really an option. I'm not quite sure why coffee shops aren't opened earlier, as this just makes sense to me that people would want espresso in the morning.
BUT, this brings me to my next point. Many of the smaller coffee shops don't actually sell coffee. They have a wide variety of lattes/cinos/smothies but quite often, when I find myself looking for an iced coffee or a drip coffee, that option is noticeably absent from the menu.
It may have to do with the fact that many people don't actually drink coffee coffee. In korea instant coffee is really popular but it's a whole different thing entirely to have a coffee machine in a break room. If an individual wants to have coffee at work, but wants to bypass the instant stuff, they use one of these:
And this set up can often be found in coffee shops that offer coffee as a drink selection.
Also, the drink of choice here seems to be an americano. It's often the cheapest thing on the menu, and theres even a song about it, so it seems to me that coffee/iced coffee would do just as well in Korea.
Speaking of americanos, Koreans (or at least Koreans here in Seoul) will drink americanos black. When I am craving an iced coffee, but there's none to be had, I will order an iced americano. But try to get just the tiniest bit of milk in it --no, I don't want a latte, thank you--and its the most absurd thing ever to a barista. If it's too much trouble, I skip the milk and drink it sugary and black.
If you dont want to bother with the filtered coffee, you can either partake in instant coffee. It is insane popular here. The prepackaged sticks come with instant coffee, creamer, and an intense amount of sugar. Oh, and no need for a spoon to stir your hot water and coffee together, just use the packaging!
Or, if you want something ready to go, there's always the canned coffee. These you can buy in any convenience store in the cold drink section, but also in these little "fridges" but instead of being cold, they are hot. Perfect hand warmers for cold days!
The last thing I want to touch upon is that with rare exceptions (and in this case, Starbucks is a notable exception) you can't really specify your milk choice in most coffee shops. Usually everything is served with whole milk, and if you ask for soy or non-fat, most likely the shop wont carry it. It can be slightly frustrating when I want something hot, a bit more substantial than tea, but can't deal with all that whole milk -____-.
Korean coffee, coffee shops, and coffee culture is a thing of its own, and something that I hadn't actually thought about or anticipated when I first got here. Mostly because you think that coffee is a pretty common sort of thing, nothing really special about it, but the more I think about it the more I think that what cultures tend to do with something as basic as a cuppa joe, speaks volumes about the society at large.
That being said, the coffee shop culture is different than that of the States.
For instance, many people prefer to drink their coffees and espressos in house. When you go to a coffee shop, you will usually stay there and meet with friends/study. In America, since many of us drive cars, it's really convenient to just get our coffees to go, or go through the drive-thrus, and show up to work with a piping hot cup or something latted.
Going along with that, it's actually not that common (at least around my area) to have a coffee shop open in the early morning. This was probably the most surprising thing to me, as a former barista, because I remember having to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to make my 5:15 starting time. This actually didn't occur to me until one morning when I really wanted some espresso, only to find that none of the coffee shops in my area (including the 4 that had opened up since I moved into the block) were open. Most coffee shops open around 9 or 10am (8am if you are lucky). So actually, rolling into work with a fresh espresso isn't really an option. I'm not quite sure why coffee shops aren't opened earlier, as this just makes sense to me that people would want espresso in the morning.
BUT, this brings me to my next point. Many of the smaller coffee shops don't actually sell coffee. They have a wide variety of lattes/cinos/smothies but quite often, when I find myself looking for an iced coffee or a drip coffee, that option is noticeably absent from the menu.
It may have to do with the fact that many people don't actually drink coffee coffee. In korea instant coffee is really popular but it's a whole different thing entirely to have a coffee machine in a break room. If an individual wants to have coffee at work, but wants to bypass the instant stuff, they use one of these:
And this set up can often be found in coffee shops that offer coffee as a drink selection.
Also, the drink of choice here seems to be an americano. It's often the cheapest thing on the menu, and theres even a song about it, so it seems to me that coffee/iced coffee would do just as well in Korea.
Speaking of americanos, Koreans (or at least Koreans here in Seoul) will drink americanos black. When I am craving an iced coffee, but there's none to be had, I will order an iced americano. But try to get just the tiniest bit of milk in it --no, I don't want a latte, thank you--and its the most absurd thing ever to a barista. If it's too much trouble, I skip the milk and drink it sugary and black.
If you dont want to bother with the filtered coffee, you can either partake in instant coffee. It is insane popular here. The prepackaged sticks come with instant coffee, creamer, and an intense amount of sugar. Oh, and no need for a spoon to stir your hot water and coffee together, just use the packaging!
Or, if you want something ready to go, there's always the canned coffee. These you can buy in any convenience store in the cold drink section, but also in these little "fridges" but instead of being cold, they are hot. Perfect hand warmers for cold days!
The last thing I want to touch upon is that with rare exceptions (and in this case, Starbucks is a notable exception) you can't really specify your milk choice in most coffee shops. Usually everything is served with whole milk, and if you ask for soy or non-fat, most likely the shop wont carry it. It can be slightly frustrating when I want something hot, a bit more substantial than tea, but can't deal with all that whole milk -____-.
Korean coffee, coffee shops, and coffee culture is a thing of its own, and something that I hadn't actually thought about or anticipated when I first got here. Mostly because you think that coffee is a pretty common sort of thing, nothing really special about it, but the more I think about it the more I think that what cultures tend to do with something as basic as a cuppa joe, speaks volumes about the society at large.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Please stop pushing me
There is very little about Korea that I find annoying. I try, as best as I can, to respect the culture differences between my home country and this place where I am living.
But after 7 months, I can safely say that cultural difference or not, I have to say this.
In Korea, there is a high respect for those older than you. This deference towards elders is everywhere--in the language, in the seating arrangements in subways/buses--and while this deference doesn't bother me at all (it actually makes me uncomfortable when it's not followed, since filipino people have a similar respect towards elders), what does get to me is a kind of reverse agism.
I will willing defer to elders, but that doesn't mean you get to treat me as less of a person. That just because I am younger than you doesn't mean you can treat me as if I don't exist. Please stop pushing me when there's so much room. Please stop cutting in front of me.
[line cutting!! omg this is so bad in korea! It goes against everything I've ever been taught in kindergarten and I can't help but look down upon those who cut in line. Totally judging you]
I exist as a person. I am clearly STANDING RIGHT HERE. why why why must you make me feel as if my person registers so far beneath you? The worst offenders are the ahjummas. Seriously annoying at times.
/end rant
But after 7 months, I can safely say that cultural difference or not, I have to say this.
In Korea, there is a high respect for those older than you. This deference towards elders is everywhere--in the language, in the seating arrangements in subways/buses--and while this deference doesn't bother me at all (it actually makes me uncomfortable when it's not followed, since filipino people have a similar respect towards elders), what does get to me is a kind of reverse agism.
I will willing defer to elders, but that doesn't mean you get to treat me as less of a person. That just because I am younger than you doesn't mean you can treat me as if I don't exist. Please stop pushing me when there's so much room. Please stop cutting in front of me.
[line cutting!! omg this is so bad in korea! It goes against everything I've ever been taught in kindergarten and I can't help but look down upon those who cut in line. Totally judging you]
I exist as a person. I am clearly STANDING RIGHT HERE. why why why must you make me feel as if my person registers so far beneath you? The worst offenders are the ahjummas. Seriously annoying at times.
/end rant
Monday, October 3, 2011
아싸!!
A quick update on my Korean learning.
But first, a fun fact: Korean is one of the most difficult languages for English speakers to learn.
Keeping this in mind has helped me immensely whenever I've felt frustrated, disgruntled, disappointed, and saddened by my abysmal Korean skill.
After that disaster with my language partner, I was sort of self-studying but not really getting anywhere, and certainly not practicing the things I was learning so I got myself a new language partner/mr. ideal. But I really missed taking classes, or going to school, or learning. Or all of it.
I find myself sometimes wishing I could go back to school. Not in the pursuit or anything else except the things which I find interesting and beautiful. It is such a luxury to be able to go to school. To spend your days steeped in the exercise of your mind.
Part of my frustration with learning Korean is that I just can't seem to have the disciplined structure I want to really buckle down and learn it. I want class time, I want hours of homework, I want a safe environment to practice, I want constructive feedback. At most, I can give over a few hours every other day to brushing up vocabulary and grammar. I can't help but long for the time when I would sit in coffee shops all day long and actually feel like I'm learning something.
So I decided to start up korean classes again. I've switched schools--not for any other reason that YBM (my former school) was not offering my level, and this new school is free!--to a once a week course held in downtown. The classes are free for foreigners, and you have to take a placement exam in order to take a class.
When I registered, I wrote down that I had taken a few months of class at YBM. I had heard from friends that the test was something like 20ish questions of beginner level, multiple choice. I didn't really study for the exam as much as I just skimmed some grammar points a few hours before the test. I entered the exam room, and they sat me down at the far end of the room and passed me an exam.
Holy crap was the test hard. The thought occurred to me that the test was going to be so unfair to those who were true beginners, but I didn't spare too much thought because my heart was racing in a sheer panic over just how difficult the test was. At a certain point, right after I had to write in an answer, I gave up trying to read the test and just do what I always do on a MC test, make a pattern with my answer sheet.
Oh, I haven't used a "1" in a while, so I think question 19 I'll fill in "1"...
That kind of thing.
Our tests were graded on the spot, and my heart fell when I saw that out of 20 questions, I got exactly 3 right. I was getting ready to crawl into a whole and die of shame.
I was with a friend, and when we compared answer sheets, I realized what had happened. Apparently I was placed in the group that was given a more difficult exam. My friend's exam was really easy! I was appalled & shocked. But I was also relieved, because that I meant I wasn't such a disgrace after all.
But afterwards, they made me do a speaking test. Excuse me? A speaking test? I hadn't anticipated this. I hadn't prepared anything. If I had to rank myself on the four skills, it would be like this: listening, writing, reading, speaking.
I was petrified. But in I went. And it was laughable at best. But somehow, they placed me in beginners level 5, the highest level for beginners. Purely on my speaking ability. This didn't make sense to me. That speaking test was probably the longest korean conversation I've ever had and I know for a fact that I made about a billion mistakes.
On the one hand, I was really happy to have gotten in so high, and especially when my proctor said I had natural Korean expressions, but I'm dreading the class. Beginner 5. I think the level is too high for me, but I'm going to go the first class and see how it is.
I'm no where near the level I'd like to be, because I think it'd be really awesome to be conversation in Korean, but it's a step :)
But first, a fun fact: Korean is one of the most difficult languages for English speakers to learn.
Keeping this in mind has helped me immensely whenever I've felt frustrated, disgruntled, disappointed, and saddened by my abysmal Korean skill.
After that disaster with my language partner, I was sort of self-studying but not really getting anywhere, and certainly not practicing the things I was learning so I got myself a new language partner/mr. ideal. But I really missed taking classes, or going to school, or learning. Or all of it.
I find myself sometimes wishing I could go back to school. Not in the pursuit or anything else except the things which I find interesting and beautiful. It is such a luxury to be able to go to school. To spend your days steeped in the exercise of your mind.
Part of my frustration with learning Korean is that I just can't seem to have the disciplined structure I want to really buckle down and learn it. I want class time, I want hours of homework, I want a safe environment to practice, I want constructive feedback. At most, I can give over a few hours every other day to brushing up vocabulary and grammar. I can't help but long for the time when I would sit in coffee shops all day long and actually feel like I'm learning something.
So I decided to start up korean classes again. I've switched schools--not for any other reason that YBM (my former school) was not offering my level, and this new school is free!--to a once a week course held in downtown. The classes are free for foreigners, and you have to take a placement exam in order to take a class.
When I registered, I wrote down that I had taken a few months of class at YBM. I had heard from friends that the test was something like 20ish questions of beginner level, multiple choice. I didn't really study for the exam as much as I just skimmed some grammar points a few hours before the test. I entered the exam room, and they sat me down at the far end of the room and passed me an exam.
Holy crap was the test hard. The thought occurred to me that the test was going to be so unfair to those who were true beginners, but I didn't spare too much thought because my heart was racing in a sheer panic over just how difficult the test was. At a certain point, right after I had to write in an answer, I gave up trying to read the test and just do what I always do on a MC test, make a pattern with my answer sheet.
Oh, I haven't used a "1" in a while, so I think question 19 I'll fill in "1"...
That kind of thing.
Our tests were graded on the spot, and my heart fell when I saw that out of 20 questions, I got exactly 3 right. I was getting ready to crawl into a whole and die of shame.
I was with a friend, and when we compared answer sheets, I realized what had happened. Apparently I was placed in the group that was given a more difficult exam. My friend's exam was really easy! I was appalled & shocked. But I was also relieved, because that I meant I wasn't such a disgrace after all.
But afterwards, they made me do a speaking test. Excuse me? A speaking test? I hadn't anticipated this. I hadn't prepared anything. If I had to rank myself on the four skills, it would be like this: listening, writing, reading, speaking.
I was petrified. But in I went. And it was laughable at best. But somehow, they placed me in beginners level 5, the highest level for beginners. Purely on my speaking ability. This didn't make sense to me. That speaking test was probably the longest korean conversation I've ever had and I know for a fact that I made about a billion mistakes.
On the one hand, I was really happy to have gotten in so high, and especially when my proctor said I had natural Korean expressions, but I'm dreading the class. Beginner 5. I think the level is too high for me, but I'm going to go the first class and see how it is.
I'm no where near the level I'd like to be, because I think it'd be really awesome to be conversation in Korean, but it's a step :)
Friday, September 30, 2011
Seoul Snapshot #4: Sunrise
As the days grow shorter, my 5:30am rising is met with daybreak. I never quite appreciate sunrises as much as I do sunsets--because as a west coast girl myself, sunsets over the pacific were just stunning--but that doesn't mean they are any less lovely.
from my apartment window, 5:30am
from my apartment window, 5:30amThursday, September 29, 2011
Meeting Mr. Ideal
I recently acquired a new language exchange partner.
A new one, you ask. Another one?
I will save that drama for another day, but basically my previous language partner and I broke up (haha) because his girlfriend was crazy trippin. I was angry and upset, because at the end of the day, he was a great korean teacher, and I was at such a loss when we separated. At that point, I wasn't taking classes any longer, and was now without even a weekly language exchange.
For weeks I self-studied and toyed with the idea of getting a new partner, but it just seemed like SUCH a hassle. My inbox was filled with messages from people who were seeking language partners, and again, it was extremely overwhelming having to sort through all these messages only to get new ones daily.
And then there was the nagging annoyance of whether I would risk getting another male language partner. First of all, there wasn't a guarentee that a guy was really seeking a language partner, or a girlfriend. Second of all, even if he did want to learn english, who is to say that he wouldn't have some cray cray gf waiting in the wings and I'd have a repeat of what happened last time.
On the other hand, was I really going to be petty enough to let something like that stop me from getting a quality language partner? To be honest, I wasn't initally thrilled with the people who were messaging, and even less so with the girls who were messaging me. Many of them just wanted a foreigner friend, and listed their qualifications as being a native Korean speaker.
Right, because native speakers are always qualified to teach their native language.
Finally, on monday I decided I needed to buck up and just pick one. I made lists, I threw out immediate rejects-- "I really like beer" "Let's go to a jjimjilbang together"--and had even contacted a few of them.
And then, right when I was on the verge of settling on this Vet, I get this message from this guy with an interesting english name: Jasper. His message was good & his qualifications were fine, and I was about to sort him in my top 5 candidates...when he wrote a post script:
I mean, how could I turn that down?
We met yesterday, and I kid you not, my heart nearly burst in my chest. It was so strange to me, considering what a naturally anxious person I am, that I wasn't nervous at all prior to meeting. Juxtapose that against the first time I met my first language partner, where I was all butterflies and jitters and shakey like a small dog standing in a cool breeze heh.
I was ridiculously late, but we met at a starbucks and he came around the corner from where he was waiting for me, and it was like, a choir of angels or something began singing. We shook hands, I apologized for being so late, and he bought me a coffee.
I picked up on his british accent right away--due primarily from his study abroad--and I nearly swooned. A korean guy with a british accent. A tall korean guy from a good school with a good job with a british accent. Who loves soccer and who doesn't call it soccer but rather football like a proper british guy. And who doesn't call the subway, "subway" but rather "underground" like a proper british guy. And who throws around the word "lovely" in the same context that I do. And who has western style manners (which I miss more than I can say!).
He's like a mix of all my favorite things, and I sat there, wondering if he was real.
Like, I didn't ever think I would meet someone who, on the surface at least, fufilled all of my superficial "Ideal Guy" qualifications.
Needless to say, I was absolutely stunned.
I told him about how I felt like I was in a rut learning Korean, how things had ended previously with my old partner, and how I'm starting classes again on monday. He mentioned that he wasn't married, but that the ring on his left hand ring finger was, in fact, a couple ring. I felt a pang of disappointment, but also relief that at least he wasn't married! WHAT AM I?
He asked if we could meet twice a week, and gutton for punishment that I am, I agreed. We talked about our shared love of football, and made vague plans to go watch a match together. He saw me to the subway turn stalls, and I melted away the moment that I was beyond his gaze.
I am in so much trouble.
A new one, you ask. Another one?
I will save that drama for another day, but basically my previous language partner and I broke up (haha) because his girlfriend was crazy trippin. I was angry and upset, because at the end of the day, he was a great korean teacher, and I was at such a loss when we separated. At that point, I wasn't taking classes any longer, and was now without even a weekly language exchange.
For weeks I self-studied and toyed with the idea of getting a new partner, but it just seemed like SUCH a hassle. My inbox was filled with messages from people who were seeking language partners, and again, it was extremely overwhelming having to sort through all these messages only to get new ones daily.
And then there was the nagging annoyance of whether I would risk getting another male language partner. First of all, there wasn't a guarentee that a guy was really seeking a language partner, or a girlfriend. Second of all, even if he did want to learn english, who is to say that he wouldn't have some cray cray gf waiting in the wings and I'd have a repeat of what happened last time.
On the other hand, was I really going to be petty enough to let something like that stop me from getting a quality language partner? To be honest, I wasn't initally thrilled with the people who were messaging, and even less so with the girls who were messaging me. Many of them just wanted a foreigner friend, and listed their qualifications as being a native Korean speaker.
Right, because native speakers are always qualified to teach their native language.
Finally, on monday I decided I needed to buck up and just pick one. I made lists, I threw out immediate rejects-- "I really like beer" "Let's go to a jjimjilbang together"--and had even contacted a few of them.
And then, right when I was on the verge of settling on this Vet, I get this message from this guy with an interesting english name: Jasper. His message was good & his qualifications were fine, and I was about to sort him in my top 5 candidates...when he wrote a post script:
PS. I know that some male Koreans want to have relations other than
language exchange. I tried to qualify myself by showing some of my
information though it doesn't prove a man 100%. please don't mind
it.
I mean, how could I turn that down?
We met yesterday, and I kid you not, my heart nearly burst in my chest. It was so strange to me, considering what a naturally anxious person I am, that I wasn't nervous at all prior to meeting. Juxtapose that against the first time I met my first language partner, where I was all butterflies and jitters and shakey like a small dog standing in a cool breeze heh.
I was ridiculously late, but we met at a starbucks and he came around the corner from where he was waiting for me, and it was like, a choir of angels or something began singing. We shook hands, I apologized for being so late, and he bought me a coffee.
I picked up on his british accent right away--due primarily from his study abroad--and I nearly swooned. A korean guy with a british accent. A tall korean guy from a good school with a good job with a british accent. Who loves soccer and who doesn't call it soccer but rather football like a proper british guy. And who doesn't call the subway, "subway" but rather "underground" like a proper british guy. And who throws around the word "lovely" in the same context that I do. And who has western style manners (which I miss more than I can say!).
He's like a mix of all my favorite things, and I sat there, wondering if he was real.
Like, I didn't ever think I would meet someone who, on the surface at least, fufilled all of my superficial "Ideal Guy" qualifications.
Needless to say, I was absolutely stunned.
I told him about how I felt like I was in a rut learning Korean, how things had ended previously with my old partner, and how I'm starting classes again on monday. He mentioned that he wasn't married, but that the ring on his left hand ring finger was, in fact, a couple ring. I felt a pang of disappointment, but also relief that at least he wasn't married! WHAT AM I?
He asked if we could meet twice a week, and gutton for punishment that I am, I agreed. We talked about our shared love of football, and made vague plans to go watch a match together. He saw me to the subway turn stalls, and I melted away the moment that I was beyond his gaze.
I am in so much trouble.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Victory (FC) Seoul!!
This past weekend there was a special event held by FC Seoul for foreigners. The event was to come watch a match (against Daejeon), for a reduced ticket price, including food, and other festivities like live performances. The event was quickly spread around among foreigners in Seoul, and come game day, there were a TON of foreigners acting the fool in the subways and crowding around World Cup Stadium.
Being the soccer enthusiast that I sometimes am, I couldn't pass this event up! I braved the masses of foreigners, sometimes--often--experiencing second hand embarrassment because of them, and went to my very first football match in Korea.
승리 서울!!
Ready to get my cheer on!
My heart went ba-dump at the sight of the pitch. Game time!
The results: FC seoul 4: Daejeon 1
I think I have a new club to watch! :)
Being the soccer enthusiast that I sometimes am, I couldn't pass this event up! I braved the masses of foreigners, sometimes--often--experiencing second hand embarrassment because of them, and went to my very first football match in Korea.
승리 서울!!
Ready to get my cheer on!
My heart went ba-dump at the sight of the pitch. Game time!The results: FC seoul 4: Daejeon 1
I think I have a new club to watch! :)
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Things I Miss About Home
- Mexican food
- Mild weather
- Sephora
- Easy access to the beach
- Driving
- Not being charged an atm fee at my own bank
- Being able to use my macbook to navigate all websites
- Stores that carry my shoe size readily
- a clothes dryer
- a garbage disposer attached to my sink drain
- Friends (and family)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Seoul Snapshot #3: Cheonggyecheon
Cheonggyecheon (청계천) is a stream that runs across downtown Seoul. The stream, which has a history of going back to the Joseon Dynasty, underwent a major renewal to become the popular green space that it is today.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Samcheok 2: To the cave, Batman!
Morning, Samcheok.
We headed up to the mountains to do some hiking and explore this giant limestone cave, Hwanseongul.
ready to go!
entrance.
You can hike up to the cave entrance, or you can take a monorail up. We decided to hike, because when you are surrounded by this beauty, how can you not?
There was a steep incline that had us gasping for breath.
okay, this^ is something that I always saw on Korean dramas when someone would go to the mountainside: drinking water coming out of a rock! and then there are those spoons where you just scoop some water up and drink it to refresh yourself. a natural drinking fountain! and the water was so cold and crisp! (I tried not to think of the germs on the communal spoon)
Entrance to the cave.
I didn't take any pictures inside the cave, one because I have a crappy camera and two because there was a sign saying not to take pictures, although there were some foreigners who were taking pictures everywhere inside.
The cave is amazingly HUGE. It takes a whole hour to go around the whole thing. The best thing about the cave though, was the names of the different bridges, chambers, and passes: Summit of Hope, Palace of Dreams, Magic Wand, Valley of Desire, Bridge of Confessions, etc.
Bridge of Confessions was my favorite because it looked like something out of Indiana Jones, the ride, but then you look down between the planks at your feet and your see nothingness. The darkness of the cave extends below your feet for an unknown distance and all that is keeping you alive is this rickey old wooden bridge. Needless to say, we sprinted like made across that bridge!
The bus ride back? 7 hours! My bladder was going to explode. BUT, Samcheok was exactly what I needed to recharge my batteries :)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Samcheok 1: Feels like Home
Last weekend with friends Julie and Olivia in tow, we left the concrete jungle that is Seoul and headed east towards the East Sea (Donghae, 동해) to a little slice of heaven called Samcheok (삼척).
The first meal of the day, a fish soup called Gomchigook (곰치국)-- 곰치 is a kind of fish and 국 is soup. I adore seafood and since we were right by the ocean I thought this soup had to be delicious. Like, there would be some sort of heinous injustice if it turned out to be anything other than tasty.
Turns out that there both that fish and that soup suffered a cosmic injustice. That fish because it was just unfortunately ugly. That soup because the texture of the fish was something akin to jelly--and I could not for the life of me appreciate it.
I love you Samcheok, I really do.
When we stood out on the shoreline, my friend olivia turned to me and said, "you stare at the ocean like its full of memories." I am, at heart, a girl raised by the sea.
Me and Julie in our couple seats...
Poor Olivia in the nice and spacious solo seat
The bus ride was supposed to take something like 3 hours to get Samcheok. In reality, it took 4 hours, in which the 3 of us alternately ate, slept, and stared out of the window.
But when we arrived at Samcheok, this is what awaited us <3
Turns out that there both that fish and that soup suffered a cosmic injustice. That fish because it was just unfortunately ugly. That soup because the texture of the fish was something akin to jelly--and I could not for the life of me appreciate it.
We spent the rest of the day along the strip of beach, played in the waves, played soccer/volleyball with a kid's abandoned ball, and ate snacks while drinking makgeolli (막걸리)--korean rice wine.
I love you Samcheok, I really do.
When we stood out on the shoreline, my friend olivia turned to me and said, "you stare at the ocean like its full of memories." I am, at heart, a girl raised by the sea.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Seoul Snapshot #2: Samcheongdong
Samcheongdong (산청동) is my favorite place in Seoul for its mix of modern and traditional, and for all the cute cafes it has. The other day while I was with a co-teacher, we stumbled across this little road and it was quite the beauty.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Book Club
In my feverish attempt at making my life in Korea actually mean something, damn it, I joined a bunch of clubs and activities a few weeks ago. This included joining a book club.
Now, the very idea of a book club is something that is extremely appealing to me. It's the picture of smarty-arty pants sitting around in a well lit room sipping tea and discussing what really matters. It's quaint. It's cute. It's novel.
Of course, my romanticized idea of book clubs are anything but the real deal. Instead of tea, we are downing beers and wine. Instead of a cozy cottage somewhere, we are in a dingy bar/restaurant with dim lighting and a bathroom with a door nearly off its hinge. Instead of the orderly discussions where we all nod our heads in deep thought after someone has (yet again!) said something really profound about the book, we talk over each other, debate heavily, and disagree as readily as we agree.
Yesterday was the first meeting of our book club and I'm not sure if it was because it was the first meeting or what, but I felt like everyone was going balls-to-the-wall trying to assert their dominance, or brillance, or opinion, on the rest of the group. Like any moment we would all just whip it out and measure.
I include myself in the battle for supremacy because, please, like I was going to let someone misinterpret me, my opinions, or to, God help them, talk over me, or worse, not let me have a voice. I came into the meeting with my usual quiet reserve, prepared to get my tea sipping on, but left the meeting with guns blazing.
The reason why I decided to join a book club, I mean, besides the fact that I can say quite assuredly with noise turned straight up that "why yes, I am in a book club thank you very much," is that I missed the sort of discussion usually found around any seminar table in any university. I missed getting into the nitty gritty of pulling books apart only to put them back together again. I missed reading books that I myself wouldn't necessarily pick out for myself, but challege me and actually, actually, make me think.
That is not to say that I haven't been reading here in Korea. But I don't think re-reading Pride & Prejudice or the first of the Harry Potter series constitutes as a challenge. The former because I've read it a million times that whole pages are engrained in my memory, the latter because it was more entertaining than not.
In sum, I felt like I was becoming, for lack of a better expression, stupider. Like my synapses had stopped firing. I could actually feel the loss of my usual reading load because it effected not only my speech, but my writing.
Which is why I'm really glad I joined the book club. Because I always feel at my absolute best when I have my intellectual guns blazing.
Now, the very idea of a book club is something that is extremely appealing to me. It's the picture of smarty-arty pants sitting around in a well lit room sipping tea and discussing what really matters. It's quaint. It's cute. It's novel.
Of course, my romanticized idea of book clubs are anything but the real deal. Instead of tea, we are downing beers and wine. Instead of a cozy cottage somewhere, we are in a dingy bar/restaurant with dim lighting and a bathroom with a door nearly off its hinge. Instead of the orderly discussions where we all nod our heads in deep thought after someone has (yet again!) said something really profound about the book, we talk over each other, debate heavily, and disagree as readily as we agree.
Yesterday was the first meeting of our book club and I'm not sure if it was because it was the first meeting or what, but I felt like everyone was going balls-to-the-wall trying to assert their dominance, or brillance, or opinion, on the rest of the group. Like any moment we would all just whip it out and measure.
I include myself in the battle for supremacy because, please, like I was going to let someone misinterpret me, my opinions, or to, God help them, talk over me, or worse, not let me have a voice. I came into the meeting with my usual quiet reserve, prepared to get my tea sipping on, but left the meeting with guns blazing.
The reason why I decided to join a book club, I mean, besides the fact that I can say quite assuredly with noise turned straight up that "why yes, I am in a book club thank you very much," is that I missed the sort of discussion usually found around any seminar table in any university. I missed getting into the nitty gritty of pulling books apart only to put them back together again. I missed reading books that I myself wouldn't necessarily pick out for myself, but challege me and actually, actually, make me think.
That is not to say that I haven't been reading here in Korea. But I don't think re-reading Pride & Prejudice or the first of the Harry Potter series constitutes as a challenge. The former because I've read it a million times that whole pages are engrained in my memory, the latter because it was more entertaining than not.
In sum, I felt like I was becoming, for lack of a better expression, stupider. Like my synapses had stopped firing. I could actually feel the loss of my usual reading load because it effected not only my speech, but my writing.
Which is why I'm really glad I joined the book club. Because I always feel at my absolute best when I have my intellectual guns blazing.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Vacation, or Something Like It
My contract states I have 21 days of vacation for the year.
Unlike back home in the states, I don't really have a say in when exactly I can use those days. When I can take vacation days is determined by the academic calendar: if school is in session, I shouldn't take a vacation.
After summer camp was over, I used 5 of my vacation days (+ 2 weekends + 1 national holiday) for a Ten Day Summer Vacation. I'm not complaining about this, considering I've always taken summer school and have always basically had 10 days of summer vacation, but what I am bummed about is the fact that I did nothing and went no where for summer vacation.
That list of places I wanted to go to that I made earlier? Didn't see a single thing.
I know, I know. Trust me, I know.
I was actually really upset by this. I know it's all my fault, that if I really wanted to get out and go, then I should have just went, that there was nothing, really to stop me. But I let excuses pile up on excuses and ended up not even really leaving Seoul.
The weather was horrible, and all the things I wanted to do were outdoorsy--hike a mountain in the rain? go to the beach during a thunderstorm? no thank you. But it wasn't even just that, because I should have forced myself to explore more of Seoul.
But I didn't do anything.
Instead, I felt horrible about my life and myself and cried everyday. Not having anything to do, nowhere to go, no one to go with... it was the first time that I actually, horribly, felt homesick. I felt so terribly alone.
I felt disenabled. Stifled and suffocated by being in Seoul. I wanted to get out, but felt stuck. Maybe I couldn't make up my mind, that it was my own indecision, my own internal conflict that disabled me.
In any case, the tears fell a lot that week. Without work to define me and my life here in Korea, I was faced with the naked truth: I don't have a reason for being. I hated the feeling of not knowing for what I was living and why.
It was such a sobering thought.
I'm not saying that I hate my life here in Korea. Not that at all, but I am saying that it's not all roses here. There are times when you miss home something fierce, and there's nothing more you want to do than to just be with the people you love the most.
The upside of not doing a damn thing during my vacay: I booked my flight to Japan, and all the money I saved can and will be spent on my Japan vacation next month! Tokyo & Kyoto, wait for me!
Unlike back home in the states, I don't really have a say in when exactly I can use those days. When I can take vacation days is determined by the academic calendar: if school is in session, I shouldn't take a vacation.
After summer camp was over, I used 5 of my vacation days (+ 2 weekends + 1 national holiday) for a Ten Day Summer Vacation. I'm not complaining about this, considering I've always taken summer school and have always basically had 10 days of summer vacation, but what I am bummed about is the fact that I did nothing and went no where for summer vacation.
That list of places I wanted to go to that I made earlier? Didn't see a single thing.
I know, I know. Trust me, I know.
I was actually really upset by this. I know it's all my fault, that if I really wanted to get out and go, then I should have just went, that there was nothing, really to stop me. But I let excuses pile up on excuses and ended up not even really leaving Seoul.
The weather was horrible, and all the things I wanted to do were outdoorsy--hike a mountain in the rain? go to the beach during a thunderstorm? no thank you. But it wasn't even just that, because I should have forced myself to explore more of Seoul.
But I didn't do anything.
Instead, I felt horrible about my life and myself and cried everyday. Not having anything to do, nowhere to go, no one to go with... it was the first time that I actually, horribly, felt homesick. I felt so terribly alone.
I felt disenabled. Stifled and suffocated by being in Seoul. I wanted to get out, but felt stuck. Maybe I couldn't make up my mind, that it was my own indecision, my own internal conflict that disabled me.
In any case, the tears fell a lot that week. Without work to define me and my life here in Korea, I was faced with the naked truth: I don't have a reason for being. I hated the feeling of not knowing for what I was living and why.
It was such a sobering thought.
I'm not saying that I hate my life here in Korea. Not that at all, but I am saying that it's not all roses here. There are times when you miss home something fierce, and there's nothing more you want to do than to just be with the people you love the most.
The upside of not doing a damn thing during my vacay: I booked my flight to Japan, and all the money I saved can and will be spent on my Japan vacation next month! Tokyo & Kyoto, wait for me!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Heart, Mind & Seoul: The first Six Months
In about a week, I will have been here in Korea for 6 months. Half of my contract is over. Looking back on all of it I wonder about how different my life is, how different I am, and what makes me liking Korea so much. In many ways, my life here is one of convenience.
It was convenient for me to come here—not easy, mind you, but convenient in the sense that I had nothing keeping me in the states. Moreover teaching/living here was a convenient opportunity to help me take care of the pesky student loans I had accumulated during my university days.
Even living here, things are convenient: transportation, shopping, eating out, traveling, etc. Sure, sometimes the language barrier can be a problem, but for the most part, and especially since I live in Seoul, I can usually communicate something to get my point across.
Seoul has cafes and bars and clubs and shopping centers and subways and everything that we have back home.
All in all, there is very little inconvenience in my life.
And in many ways, my life hasn’t changed too dramatically since coming here. The places are different, the people, the language, the food—but me, my life, and what I do daily feels so routine.
Thus, I can’t help but wonder just what it is that is keeping me here in Korea.
Is it the fact that the novelty of living in another country hasn’t worn off yet?
Is it because my life is terribly convenient here?
Is it because I don’t really have a reason to leave?
That I don’t want to leave this life of little responsibility? Because I know that once I go back home, I know, truly, that I would have to buckle down and get serious about my life haha.
The thing about being a foreigner in Korea, is that you are just so, so aware of how much a foreigner you are. I’m not just talking about how much you stand out in a crowd, or how much people stare, the language barrier, or how some internet sites won’t accept your foreigner ID. What I am talking about is all of that, combined with the ever prevalent thought that the visa stamped in your passport only allows you to be in the country for a year and some days.
It’s the fact that with every foreigner you meet, there will come a time when you will have to say goodbye to that person.
It’s beginning.
This long and painful farewell. I haven’t yet been here 6 months and already I’ve had to say goodbye to people who are returning home. Some have finished their contracts and others are breaking them, but it’s a sad truth that honestly, our paths will most likely never cross again.
For whatever reason, our lives brought us here to Korea, and our paths crossed and we had these moments and shared experiences and this time…and that’s all we get.
It just feels so sad.
It could be said that this is a similar situation to that of going away to college. Everyone knows that eventually you’ll have to say goodbye to the places and people you met at college. That the end is always in sight.
Maybe it’s just that this is one year.
Maybe it’s that we were pulled from a wider pool of people, coming from more countries, distant countries, and that it would be harder to not only keep in contact, but to keep up meaningful contact.
Maybe it’s that as foreigners in a different country, we force bonds on each other faster and easier and it feels strange to continue in a place with a severed bond. To go on alone when there was a time when that wasn’t the case.
I’ve digressed.
I don’t know what it is about Korea that is keeping me here. What it is that is preventing me from leaving. But having been here for half of my contract, and only having another 6 months left here… I don’t think I’m ready to go yet. I feel like there’s more here for me to do and go and experience.
So if the opportunity comes to me to stay another year, I will accept it.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Things to do, Places to See
This summer, instead of going out of Korea for vacation (I KNOW *facepalm*) I'm making the most of my 10ish days and venturing the hell out of Seoul to get more intimate with the rest of South korea.
On the Agenda?
Heading to the DMZ, visiting beaches/caves, an ancient temple, a palace, and even green tea fields :D
Now if only the weather would cooperate!
Gyeongju National Park/ Anapji (via jason teale, National Geographic)
On the Agenda?
Heading to the DMZ, visiting beaches/caves, an ancient temple, a palace, and even green tea fields :D
Now if only the weather would cooperate!
Gyeongju National Park/ Anapji (via jason teale, National Geographic)
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