Heart, Mind, & Seoul: Finding My Way Back to Teaching

I've been crazy busy this past week, I don't even know I've survived. It all started last friday, when I had an all-day training seminar that sort of lit a fire under my ass. Lately, I had been feeling all sorts of comfortable when it came to teaching at my school. Some things suck, but some things were good, I coped and I got through it. I wasn't having the best classes, but I was also doing the best with what I had. I was dealing.

But the seminar reminded me that despite what seems like insurmountable obstacles in my way, as a teacher, I owe it to my kids to try and reach them. When I first got to Korea, I was hell bent on being able to effectively teach these kids english. I was full of so many ideas, was constantly trying out new things in the classroom, constantly creating. And then either out of ineffectiveness, hopelessness, or burn out, I stopped trying so hard.

On the one hand, it was good for me personally, because I enabled me to have more cognitive energy to do other things (e.g. learn korean, be a homewrecker), but my classes were uninspired and tedious.

So with a refreshed perspective, I started up this week with a ton of energy that I put into my lesson plans and classes. And I think it was one of my best weeks teaching ever. I felt really happy with the results, and I'm hoping this is a new start for both me and my students.

I am, however, so exhausted I can't see straight. Twice this week I got into the office at 6:45 am. By wednesday, I came home and just crashed at 8pm, I was so tired. I had dishes piled up in my sink, wet clothing that needed to be dried, and a whole bunch of trash that needed to be taken out. I also have no food at all in my apartment, but I am feeling good about how exhausted I am.

I will leave you with this: I had my students write a short essay on whether they preferred to only do what they are good at, or doing new things. I bawled like a baby reading their responses, this one in particular:

"The people who prefer to what they already do well couldn’t improve themselves. They just do the same thing in the same way repeatively. But others who prefer to try new things and take risks aways face to the new world that they haven’t seen ever, so they could experience more things and make them step forward to the wider world. To me, the second life style is preferred. Sometimes, I couldn’t handle the new occasion, but I’m not embarrassed. If I haven’t experience it, I couldn’t learn the way to handle it. As long as I am alive, I prefer to try new things and take risks. I’m so excited to see the new things."

I feel so grateful to know these amazing kids, and so humbled to be a part of their lives. They are so fascinating and endlessly interesting, and so full of youth and the hope of their future lives. It's beyond wonderful to witness.