I've been suffering from chest pains recently. they are of two varieties: the first is violent and jolting, but over in a breath of a moment; the second is a bit more subtle, only gradually building up in intensity, but of a longer duration. But both leave me so completely startled and acutely aware of my existence.
And then sheer panic settles into my bones, disturbing my piece of mind and making me wonder just what I'm doing/am I crazy.
I'm not sure if I'll have another time to blog in relative comfort until the big move in, gasp 3 days, I figure I better do this all now.
There are a lot of things I'm afraid of when going to korea. I'm afraid I'll hate it, that it was never what I thought it was...that it couldn't be everything that I imagined. However, I'm afraid I'll absolutely love it. Because if I love it, that means I'll want to stay, and then I'm in a horrible position of being apart from all the people who are most dear to me in the world, doing a job that isn't exactly what I want to do. I don't mind teaching... but teaching english, indefinitely, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know what korea, which Seoul I want to meet the most, and which I want to avoid.
Also, I have a glorious set of friends here. I've been very blessed with amazing people that I love and who like me well enough to tolerate my whims and inconsistencies. I hate that I'm choosing to miss out on parts of their lives, because I want to be there too. I don't fear that we'll lose contact, or that we won't be as close...because no matter what, we accept one another wholeheartedly. Its not hard to be friends with them, its not difficult to pick up like no time has passed between us at all.
suddenly, the thing I've been waiting for months for is actually happening...and I feel so unprepared.
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